Guy's Guide to Predicting The Future

FINDING A MANDRAKE
This can be the hardest part of the process.

A good mandrake is a root which is in the form of a human, appearing to have arms and legs and often genitals too, it offers the vegetable equivalent of a human life force in mythology so digging up large plants to find a really good mandrake can take years.


Important tip for baggers: No, it's not enough to get ahold of some tree root and just lop bits off until it looks like a mandrake, the roots have to form themselves into a human shape. Duh.

If the root is large and stable such that it appears to stand three feet tall on its own feet, upright, and it also appears to have an Olympian sized dick, this is definitely the mandrake you have been looking for all your life and together you can rule the world.

Well almost. You just need one more thing. But first here's Bill with the Weather.







FINDING THE RIGHT SATANIC CULT GURU FOR YOU
A mandrake on its own is not really enough to get the prophetic juices flowing.

It can be tough facing the fact that you cannot simply become an infinitely powerful prophet without some spiritual help. Many mandrake owners cling on to the hope that somehow they can make this thing work alone. For years they waste a perfectly good mandrake and cannot get anywhere with their prophecy and instead of taking flight into real truth or real power, they remain stuck and lost in their careers as "journalists".

The right guru for you is someone who can help you and your mandrake secure your rightful inheritance and summon your deeper inner powers by a short marriage ceremony between all three of you, you your mandrake and your guru.

Noobie Tip: have plenty of blood ready because the marriage contract is quite long.

After the document is signed and dried and then entered into the dark lord's registry on gop.gov, your guru should immediately have some very sage guru-like advice to offer and the spell of your old life broken, you will find your whole existence suddenly transformed.


HOW TO PROFIT FROM BEING A PROPHET
Once you have taken your mandrake and guru into marriage and no other, you will be all seeing and all powerful and will not really need a whole lot of financial advice. But because I feel strongly about the cashflow of prophets, there is one piece of advice I have to offer: Goldline.

Passive Resistance and The Global Peace Effort

DECLARING WAR ON WAR
I had the strange idea that I should write a book analyzing war and peace and current trends in both. So far I've got an outline, a few chapters written and a few others researched. I have a long way to go but I'm working on it. 

I was having this conversation with Adonai just a few days ago and it was about peace and optimism. I said that I thought it was very weird that so many people in the peace movement also subscribe to this kind of war fatalism. "We must protest. But war," they will say, "is really inevitable. We're doomed to have wars. We're flawed as a species," so the argument goes, "and the MIC have the upper hand. But we have to try don't we?"  

Adonai said he thought that attitude looked schizophrenic. I think he's right, though it's not the word I'd have chosen.  I've long been an optimist about the longer term chances of smashing the MIC in times to come, so I cannot subscribe to war fatalism and I don't believe anyone should.

We're told it's a childish fantasy. I'm told that all the time. I think to overturn that illusion, that a child thinks it's possible to make progress against the war machine, it's not enough to blog a few times or whatever, you have to lay it all out in a really flat and level way. It's such a big reply that it's easily a book sized project and I'm keen to put a lot of time into this.

Here is the first draft of my introduction...


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MAKING PEACE
We are at war with the idea of war.

It is a strange war, where one side has no weapons at all. It is a borderless war with no geographical frontiers and no nationality to offer. It is a global battle for the future. The stake is our life on earth and nothing less.

The peace movement must win this war against war if human beings are to emerge out of savagery and ignorance. The peace movement must win and we must win by preaching and using non-violence and passive resistance. That is the only way to victory.

We may not ever grow to like the more insane generals and we may not ever personally approve of CEOs of corporations manufacturing weapons, but these are only people and not the real enemy. The real enemies of the peace movement are old human fears and modern human ignorance, they are the roughly one hundred million landmines buried under our planet's soils, the over 7,000 permanently active and armed nuclear warheads aimed at our cities, the tools, the corporations themselves, the institutions and weapons of war, the basic causes which perpetuate it.

We must know our real enemy, not the people in uniforms carrying the weapons, most of whom are surprisingly nice people, but instead the follies which lead to wars in the first place. If we address the causes of war, if we can change the relationship between war and business, if we can change the relationship we have with media and war, if we change the international dialog on war, we can begin to really treat the disease of war and not  persist in attacking so many of the symptoms.

A lot of activism in the peace movement comes from a few hundred thousand very committed people, scattered across the world who all really see a more strategic vision and many of them might not attend a rally in two years while working for peace for a significant fraction of their lives. The world has an interconnected movement of high profile, highly motivated, very educated and persistent people who, mostly, think the same way about activism: you take it into your own hands.

If you believed much of what was said in the mainstream media, however, the peace movement is the same thing as the anti-war protest movement; mostly populated by old and young hippies, some bearing joints and others with guitars as well. It is a fringe of idealistic kids and dreamy retirees, bored and looking for something to do. Peace is, by implication, the deluded aspiration of a small and radical group, who will inevitably move from one lost cause to the next.

To a large extent the peace movement has not done enough to state its own case and dispel the mythology of being that aimless movement of stoners living in some fantasy land.

We must end that public perception of the peace movement as a fringe band of bleeding hearts if it is ever to gain a more mainstream acceptance.

We should, then, carefully examine the aims and successes and the cumulative effect of the last century of the peace movement on global politics, the benefits of peace to economy, trade, stability. We should look at the institutions already built, the nations already changed by peaceful mass action.

To give the international peace movement full credit for its achievements also means winding back the clock of human history. There's ten thousand years of recorded military history and to see how new and recent and effective (as well as ineffective) the peace movement is, it's important to compare the wars of old to the wars of today.

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Any suggestions or reactions would be welcome.

Knig's Beck Poem

Knig's Poem

The Legend of Bagger Beck 

T'was the night before Beckmas 
And all through the den 
Not a creature was shifting money offshore 
Not even The Glenn.
the crosses were burnt on the lawns with care 
in hopes that saint becky
soon would be there 
the baggers were all snug in their beds
while visions of gold danced in their heads 
with ma in her uniform and me in my hood 
we hoped that we'd get em, get em all good 
when out on the mall there arose such a clatter 
i sprang from my bible to see what was the matter 
i tore up the constiution and looked for an answer 
out on the drive way was a black panther 
i sheek and i cried dear god they are here and
all i could do was become wet with fear 
the brothers they said to me right there and then 
dont hate us for being one of them
we dont come to hurt you or make you afraid 
we doe look for white women just to get laid
we come to show you that were people too 
and your not in charge nor us of you 
so I blamed obama and called the man 
and said i need help round up the klan 
but the panthers they chuckeled and shouted with glee
why your just a bagger and no threat to me 
so they got in their cars and drove away 
go eff yourself brother, respect MLK







URGENT UPDATE: Read one of Knig's latest poems here. 

Nuclear Bomb Tests 1945 - 1998

It's something I found quite remarkable. I watched this with a friend who showed it to me. We were talking about war and peace and I said that I was still optimistic. So many people are working on peaceful solutions to military problems. We hit on the topic of nukes and the test ban treaty, something I consider to be a vital step in world peace.

This video, I think, makes that point very very clearly. It's 50 years of using and testing nuclear bombs in 14 minutes. Sometimes diplomacy can have an enormous effect.

Muppet Bohemian Rhapsody

Just because.